Feeling 'Too Much' or 'Not Enough’? Here’s Why That’s Trauma Talking—and How to Rewire It
Do you ever find yourself thinking, “I’m too much,” or, “I’m not enough?” Maybe it feels like you’re a burden to others, or no matter what you do, you just can’t shake that nagging sense of inadequacy.
You’re not alone. These thoughts are more common than you might think—and they’re not just in your head. They’re echoes of past experiences, often rooted in trauma, that shape how you see yourself.
Why Do We Feel This Way?
When we grow up in environments where our needs weren’t met, or we were criticized, ignored, or even overpraised in a way that felt conditional, our brains start to form stories to make sense of it all.
These stories sound like:
“I’m too needy.”
“I can’t show who I really am, or they’ll leave.”
“No matter what I do, it’s never enough.”
These beliefs can run deep. They’re not just thoughts—they’re felt experiences in your body, influencing your relationships, work, and even your ability to feel joy or relaxation.
It’s Trauma Talking, Not Truth
Here’s the thing: These stories are protective mechanisms. But What exactly does that mean?
What Are Protective Mechanisms?
When we go through difficult or overwhelming experiences—especially in childhood—our brains go into protection mode.
Our nervous systems are wired to keep us safe above all else, so they develop ways to help us survive emotionally and psychologically.
Negative beliefs like:
“I’m too much,”
“I’m not enough,”
“I don’t deserve love,”
…are actually ways our brains tried to protect us from pain, rejection, or abandonment.
How Do They Protect Us?
Imagine this: If as a child, you were criticized for expressing your feelings, your brain might have concluded, “It’s safer to be quiet and not need anything.” Or, if you felt like you had to be perfect to receive love, you might have learned, “I have to work twice as hard to be enough.”
These beliefs helped you adapt to difficult situations by:
Avoiding rejection: If you believe you’re “too much,” you might learn to hide your emotions to avoid conflict or disapproval.
Seeking acceptance: If you believe you’re “not enough,” you might overachieve or people-please to feel valued.
Maintaining control: These beliefs create a sense of predictability and control, even if it’s painful. They help you “make sense” of why you were treated a certain way.
The problem is, while these protective mechanisms helped you survive then, they limit you now. They keep you stuck in patterns of self-doubt, shame, and disconnection—long after the original situation is over.
Rewiring Deep-Seated Beliefs
These protective mechanisms are wired into your nervous system, not just your thoughts. That’s why it can feel so hard to “just think positive” or “let it go.” But here’s the good news—you can rewire them.
Tangible Ways to Rewire Negative Beliefs on Your Own
If you’re not ready for therapy, or if you want to complement your healing journey, here are some powerful tools you can use:
1. Name the Narrative
Start by identifying the negative belief.
Whenever you notice thoughts like “I’m too much” or “I’m not enough,” label them as stories rather than truths. Example: “Ah, that’s my ‘not enough’ story showing up again.”
Why this works:
Naming the narrative helps you separate the belief from your identity. It gives you the power to observe the thought instead of becoming the thought.
2. Challenge the Thought
Ask yourself:
“Is this 100% true all the time?”
“What evidence do I have to support or challenge this belief?”
“Would I say this to a friend I love?”
This practice helps you see the belief for what it is—a perspective, not a fact.
3. Practice Self-Compassion
Talk to yourself the way you would talk to a friend going through the same struggle.
Try phrases like:
“It’s okay to feel this way. I’m allowed to have needs.”
“I am enough, even when I’m not perfect.”
You can also practice self-compassion breaks by pausing when negative beliefs arise and saying:
“This is a moment of suffering. Suffering is part of the human experience. May I be kind to myself in this moment.”
4. Body-Based Techniques
Since these beliefs are wired into your nervous system, somatic exercises can help release the stored energy connected to them.
Grounding Exercises: Feel your feet on the ground. Notice the support beneath you. This helps your body feel safe in the present moment.
Breathing Techniques: Try Box Breathing – inhale for 4 seconds, hold for 4, exhale for 4, hold again for 4. This calms your nervous system and reduces anxiety linked to negative beliefs.
5. Visualizations and Affirmations
Visualize yourself as your best, most authentic self—confident, enough, and deserving.
Use affirmations that resonate with you. Example: “I am worthy of love and belonging just as I am.”
Pro tip: Write your affirmations where you’ll see them daily—on your mirror, phone background, or journal.
6. Connect with Safe People
Share your thoughts with people who make you feel safe and supported. Having someone reflect a more balanced perspective can help challenge and rewire negative beliefs.
How Trauma Therapy Can Deepen the Healing
While these tools are powerful, sometimes the beliefs are too deep to tackle alone. That’s where trauma therapy comes in.
At Revive Therapy Services in Philadelphia, PA, we use:
EMDR (Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing): To help your brain reprocess painful memories, releasing their emotional grip.
Somatic Experiencing: To release stored trauma from your body, helping you feel safe and connected in the present moment.
These methods help you:
Unlearn old survival strategies that are no longer needed.
Rewire your brain to believe new, empowering truths about yourself.
Feel safe being your authentic self without the fear of being too much or not enough.
You Deserve to Feel Whole
You are not too much. You are enough. You are just right, just as you are. If you’re ready to explore a different approach, we’re here to support you.
Why Choose Revive Therapy Services in Philadelphia, PA?
We specialize in working with individuals who’ve tried therapy before and felt stuck, especially those dealing with:
If you’re in Philadelphia, PA, and looking for specialized trauma therapy that goes beyond traditional talk therapy, Revive Therapy Services is here for you.
You don’t have to carry these heavy beliefs alone. Reach out today—healing is closer than you think.
Revive Therapy Services – Philadelphia, PA
Schedule your free consultation to see which one of our therapists like Salima, Mary, or Kianna is best fit for you.
You are not alone – we are in this together.
